The Strangest Things Happen in Elevators
by too-much-like-Luna
Summary: Written for prompt: "Arthur/Merlin AU, Arthur is the male Paris Hilton, living in one of his father's hotels, he and his friends tease Merlin, one of the hotel cleaners, mercilessly ...that is until Arthur's forced somehow to spend time with Merlin."


Written for the LJ kinkme_merlin prompt "Arthur/Merlin AU, Arthur is the male Paris Hilton, living in one of his father's hotels, he and his friends tease Merlin, one of the hotel cleaners, mercilessly ...that is until Arthur's forced somehow to spend time with Merlin. "

My summary: What doesn't break us makes us stronger... except sometimes when it just makes us insane.

Rated: About PG-13ish?

The Strangest Things Happen in Elevators

"Elevators don't just get _stuck, Mer_lin." Arthur said.

"Yes, they do." said Merlin wearily from where he sat on the opposite side of the elevator, and it was hardly _his _fault if his voice came out a little more forceful than it was meant to, after all he'd only answered the bloody prat five times before.

"No, they _don't."_

Merlin rolled his eyes and started to count the tiles on the floor.

*** *** ***

"Do you have water?"

"No."

"Food?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yup. An entire turkey is stuffed up my pant leg."

Arthur eyed him from across the floor. "You're taking the piss, aren't you?"

Merlin made his eyes wide. "Who, me? Never!"

*** *** ***

"So, _cleaner, _can I assume it's your fault this _thing _broke down?"

"No, _daft wanker, _this is not my fault. In fact, it's almost more _your _fault than mine."

Arthur spluttered (and wasn't _that _a rather satisfying reaction, Merlin thought.) "And how exactly did you work _that _out?"

"Well, it's _your _father who hired whoever does the electrical stuff, isn't it?"

Arthur sneered. "Oh yeah, and I bet your father has some stressful, high-end job, eh?"

"I never knew my father."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Merlin began counting the tiles on the roof of the elevator carriage.

A few minutes later Arthur quietly said "I never knew my mother."

Merlin nodded absently.

*** *** ***

"Will you shut-_up?"_

Arthur looked around at Merlin, pausing mid-song. "What, don't appreciate the finer things in life?"

"Jesse McCartney," Merlin said, "is most definitely _not _one of the finer things in life."

Arthur looked affronted. "What do you have against McCartney?"

"It's just, just..." Merlin gesticulated wildly with his arms "it's just, _Jesse McCartney. _It's unidentifiable. It's just _no."_

Arthur looked at Merlin as though he was crazy, then changed it to a look of pity and sang _"I don't want our love to go to waste, I don't want just another pretty face, I want you and your beautiful soul"* _while Merlin made increasingly loud gagging noises.

"Dude," said Merlin, "if you're going to sing crappy songs, at least get the crappy lyrics right. It's, _'I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.'" _* Merlin refrained from actually singing the lyrics, as he was (almost) certain that not even Arthur Pendragon deserved _that _particular torture.

Arthur gaped at Merlin, and then began to laugh. "You know it too" he gasped. "You go all high and mighty about the dubious crappiness of my choice of song, and then _you know it too!"_

Merlin tried to tell himself he wasn't pouting when he said "My flat mate loves the song, alright? It just seeps into your brain like poison. Like a noxious drug of a sound you can't get rid of."

Arthur managed to get himself under control (except for the occasional snort, and really, Merlin thought, it hadn't been _that _funny) and said "Sure, sure" in a tone that was clearly meant to convey skepticism, but conveyed something more along the lines of amusement.

And then he began to sing again. _"Just might be paranoid, I'm avoiding the lines cause they just might split, Can someone stop the noise, I don't know what it is, but I just don't fit, I'm paranoid." **_

"The _JONAS BROTHERS?" _Merlin definitely almost shrieked. "So help me Pendragon, if you do not stop singing RIGHT NOW,_ I_ will start singing."

Arthur ignored him, and continued to belt out the song off-key but with obvious amusement.

Merlin took a deep breath, and decided against plugging his own ears.

"_Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation, darkness stirs and wakes imagination, silently the senses abandon their defenses, slowly, gently, night unfurls it's splendor, Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender_."***

Arthur turned to stare at Merlin, but did not stop singing, even when he winced at Merlin's attempt at carrying a tune and hitting the higher notes.

With an eyebrow raised in challenge, Arthur raised his voice. "_Stuck in a room with staring faces, yeah, Caught in a nightmare, can't wake up, if you hear my cry, running through the street, come and rescue me_."**

With a glare, Merlin also sang louder, so that their voices battled in the enclosed space to see which could drown the other out. "_Turn your face away, from the garish light of day, turn your thoughts away, from cold unfeeling light, and listen to the music of the night."***_

With a laugh Arthur stopped singing and said "Okay, Okay, _enough_. Dude, you have the same taste in music as my _father."_

*** *** *** ***

"I'm _hungry," _Arthur whinged.

"Yeah, well, so am I, spoiled princess, and you don't see me complaining constantly do you?"

Arthur waived a lazy hand "Yes, but you're used to starvation."

"For your information," Merlin began hotly, "I am _not _used to starvation. My family is _not _as poor as you seem to think they are, and _maybe _if you got off your high-horse one day and looked at the rest of us mortals, you'd realize that!"

Arthur held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, Okay. Sorry dude. Didn't mean to offend."

"'Didn't mean to offend?'" Merlin mimics "That's bloody amazing, because you usually do nothing _but _try to offend me!"

"Ah..." began Arthur, but Merlin broke in. "Just because you're all Mr. Princess you think you can walk over the rest of us! But the truth is, you _are no better than anyone else."_

"Even sleazy politicians?"

Merlin nodded gravely. "Even sleazy politicians."

"Well... damn," said Arthur, with a bit of a smile, and Merlin's instinct and reason came back to him and he sighed in relief, glad that Arthur wasn't going to kick his ass from the elevator all the way to Antarctica.

*** *** ***

"We've been in here for_ever."_

"It's only been two hours. And the person on the intercom-thingy said it should be fixed soon."

All was silent for a few minutes, and Merlin began counting how many flowers were in each tile.

Then Arthur spoke in a quiet, deceptively calm voice. "Is this the right time to tell you that I'm claustrophobic?"

*** *** ***

"No, no, Arthur, _do not do this!"_

Arthur continued to breathe heavily, obviously panicking and not speaking.

"Um... Oh God." Merlin's hands fluttered helplessly. Sternly he said "Do not do this" to Arthur but without results (except for some twitching eyes from Arthur, which Merlin decided to disregard as not immediately life threatening.)

"Um..." Merlin said again, and then he remembered a time when he was six years old and had been shut in a dark closet (and yes, it _may _have been his own fault...) Trapped in the dark, little Merlin had been absolutely terrified, but for some (insane, worrying) reason, he'd begun to sing. And it had calmed him, hearing a voice in the darkness (it also had the added benefit of letting Hunith know where he was.)

So Merlin began to sing. "_I love a boy named Jesse, but Jesse doesn't love me back, he says he has a girl in Chelsea, he wants so much, I love a boy named Jesse, but Jesse doesn't love me back, he says he's insecure about what he feels and what he wants_."****

Arthur hadn't stopped hyperventilating. Merlin's voice raised in desperation. "_But every time he smiles at me I know we are the same, and that he'd change the world for me, if he just knew my name." ****_

Merlin wondered if it was just wishful thinking to say that Arthur had begun to calm. "_I love a boy named Jesse, but Jesse doesn't love me back, he wants to kiss and go to bed, but he doesn't want to talk-****_

"Merlin, for the love of God," Arthur interrupted "stop singing. _Please._"

*** *** ***

"So... that song you were singing..." Arthur started awkwardly. "It was about a guy...in love with a guy, yeah?"

Merlin sighed. "Yes, Arthur."

"So...erm... you fancy guys then?"

Merlin sighed again. "How many times have you bugged me about this already? You know the answer is yes, Arthur."

"I... didn't actually," said Arthur. "It was just something that Gawain thought, you know..."

"Great. So now I'm just going to be teased _more?"_

"No..." said Arthur slowly. "No... I don't think you are..."

*** *** ***

"You know what I really like? Hot dogs with Thai sauce and mustard on it."

"That's... that's... EWWW."

"Mmhhmm," said Arthur, rather satisfied.

"I really like artichokes on rye bread with tomatoes, tomato sauce and cheese."

"Tomatoes _and _tomato sauce? Overkill, mate."

*** *** ***

"We've been here _forever."_

"We've gone over this, Arthur. We have not been here _forever, _nor shall we be. You'll be relieved of the burden of my company before too long."

Arthur was silent, and Merlin continued trying to count how many tiles had a crack in them.

"It's... not so bad, really. Your company. Eventually. Sort of, anyway. To a certain extent."

Merlin laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment. You're not that bad yourself."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Surprised me too."

"Haha. Funny."

"Thanks."

"You're an idiot."

"You're a prat."

"You're more of an idiot."

"Do you ever talk just to hear your own voice, Arthur? Because that comeback sucked balls."

"Yeah well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

Merlin gaped at Arthur, and Arthur covered his mouth with a hand.

"Wow, Arthur... that comment was almost sort of funny."

"Sorry." said Arthur.

"Are you blushing?"

"No!"

"Sure, sure," said Merlin with a smirk.

*** *** ***

"So... you're really gay?"

"Yes, Arthur. We've gone over _this _too."

"Yeah, I know."

"Why are you so fixated? Surely it's not _that _much of a surprise?"

"No, it's not... Just makes me think."

"God forbid," said Merlin.

*** *** ***

"Well, my mother's name is Hunith. I live in a flat with my friend Gwen. She's practically engaged to a bloke named Lancelot... I've known her since forever, practically. As we've discussed, I don't like Jesse McCartney. Or the Jonas Brothers. I mean honestly, what are you? A thirteen year old girl?"

Arthur sniffed.

"I _do _like Phantom of the Opera, except I'd totally have stayed with Erik. Who cares about Raoul? Like, honestly."

"I've never seen it."

"NEVER SEEN IT? HOW? It's not like you're lacking money to go! You HAVEN'T SEEN IT? ARE YOU INSANE?"

Arthur shrugged. "Just never came up."

"Arthur," Merlin looked him in the eyes, very seriously. "The Phantom of the Opera is something that you _make_ 'come up.' Promise me you will see it."

"I... guess?"

"Not good enough. Repeat after me: "I, Arthur Pendragon, do solemnly swear to, at some point in the next five years; make it a priority to see The Phantom of the Opera.""

Arthur repeated the vow, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Alright then," said Merlin, apparently quite satisfied. "Well, I also rather like The Beatles. Do you like The Beatles? Tell me you like them, and I may forgive you for the Jesse McCartney thing."

"My favourite song of theirs is 'Twist and Shout.'"

"Oh good," said Merlin. "Mine's 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

"Why am I not surprised?" Arthur asked. Merlin slapped him on the back of the head.

"Who is the person who recorded the song you were singing earlier?"

"'Jesse?' Ivri Lider. You're really hung up on this whole thing, aren't you?"

*** *** ***

"We've been here forever."

"Yes, Arthur. Yes we have."

*** *** ***

"So, Emrys. Good to see you, and all that."

"Yeah," said Merlin dryly. "'And all that.'"

"I'll see you around... eh?"

"Unless you plan on firing me, then yeah."

"Right, well. Bye."

"Bye."

*** *** ***

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: Jesse McCartney. And, u know, other stuff._

Merlin. Why the Fuck would u have your e-mail account under your flat mate's business?

R u sick? Haven't seen u around lately.

A.

P.S. Like the song?

_From: _

_To: _

_Subject: Your crappy taste in music. And the "other stuff" you hinted at_

Arthur. Why not? Honestly. I didn't even _have _an email until Gwen made me one.

I'm not sick. I've been avoiding you. Duh.

Merlin.

P.S. If you ever send ANY song to me over the internet, be they Beautiful Soul or something else, I will hunt you down and flay you alive. Understand? I couldn't make it stop playing for ages.

P.P.S HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND MY E-MAIL, CREEP?

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: ur fear of me. _

Merlin. Welcome to the 21st century. Eventually u may even find out where the VOLUME button is.

Why r u avoiding me? I'd be hurt, except I know I'll find u.

My father keeps all the info about the employees in a folder. Duh.

Arthur.

P.S. How do u like Body Language?

_From: _

_To: _

_Subject: You're a prat. _

Haha, Arthur. Haha. At least _I_ know how to dress myself.

Really? I expected even you could figure it out. Well, I'm avoiding you because I figured that after the details of the Elevator Incident, your harassment would have become worse. Duh.

Merlin.

P.S. You're not the only one who can play this game. How do you like If You Were Gay?

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: I DO SO KNOW HOW TO DRESS MYSELF!_

Merlin. Read subject line. Were u offering to help me learn, though?

I won't tease u. Well, no worse than usual, anyway. I swear.

As to 'If You Were Gay': I'm glad to know you'd still accept me.

Arthur.

P.S. We should meet. Somewhere. Soon. Privately.

What's your opinion of Because You Live?

*** *** ***

"Hi."

"I was starting to think I'd have to stick you in an elevator to get to talk to you again."

Merlin shrugged. "Didn't think you'd want to."

"Perhaps I've changed."

Merlin snorted. "You use text chat sometimes, Arthur. Don't think you've changed that much."

"Idiot."

"Right, well, pleasant as this has been, I actually have a job I should be doing."

"You never have before."

"Haha. Bye."

"Wait, Merlin."

"Yeah?"

"Meet me at the cafe at the end of the block. Tomorrow. At two."

"Yeah... sure. I'll be there."

*** *** ***

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: Continuing the convo we had at the cafe._

Merlin, my A.C..O.R.N. (I'll translate it 4 u. A.C.O.R.N. stands for A Completely Obsessive Really Nutty Person.)

What would u say if I decided 2 classify our meeting as a date?

Arthur.

P.S. Have fun with Don't Go Breakin' My Heart.

_From: _

_To: _

_Subject: Your sexual identity crisis. _

Most importantly: Don't Go Breakin' My Heart was originally co-authored by Elton John. Jesse McCartney can't take the credit.

Less importantly: If you decided to classify our meeting as a date? I'd ask if I was closer to the mark than I thought with If You Were Gay.

Merlin

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: Our date_

I think it should be repeated. Sometime soon. Like, 2nite.

Arthur.

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: Our 2__nd__ date._

A 3rd one?

2morrow?

*** *** *** *** ***

_To: _

_From: _

_Subject: Our THIRTIETH date_

I love a boy named Merlin

I don't know if Merlin loves me back.

I used to think he was just another nerd.

He still is, but he's my nerd now.

I can't rhyme for shit

Nor can I write poetry

But I'm even writing without text chat

So you can see my serious intent.

I've talked to you more than anyone

Except Morgana, possibly.

I'm obsessed with your quirks...

Whatever that means.

I love how you hate Jesse McCartney

I love the smile you get

Just for me.

I love how you say I'm a prat when I do something stupid

But your eyes shine with amusement.

I love when you get mad at me

You light up inside

(Like you do when you talk about animal rights)

And the make-up sex is amazing.

I love how elevators have a special meaning

An inside joke, for just the two of us.

I'm no longer claustrophobic thanks to you

Because I always imagine you singing

When I have an attack.

Of course, there are things I don't like too

Like, how you still somehow think I'm a prat,

A lot of the time.

But those can be ignored

If you just stay the same.

I love a boy named Merlin

I don't know if Merlin loves me.

That's why I'm writing this crappy poem thing.

And yes, Merlin, I do have artichokes again. And tomato sauce. Sorry I forgot them.

Arthur.

P.S. What's your opinion of Just So You Know?

_Fin_

* 'Beautiful Soul' by Jesse McCartney

** 'Paranoid' by The Jonas Brothers

*** 'Music of the Night' from 'The Phantom of the Opera

**** 'Jesse' by Ivri Lider

The underlined words a titles of songs, usually by Jesse McCartney, but If You Were Gay is from Avenue Q .

The "poem" of Arthur's is (very) loosely based on the song Jesse.


End file.
